EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
