god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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