Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
