Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Me too!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
