are you so shy because you have an std?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
