your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
