No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
