GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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