I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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