she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
