that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
