i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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