apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
