Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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