I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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