Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
