just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
