I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize