I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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