Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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