you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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