Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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