so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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