No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize