The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
