omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
