Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
