I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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