On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
