I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
