You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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