Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
