I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
