I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
