: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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