You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
