Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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