I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
