i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
