A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
