dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
