Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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