so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
