he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
