absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
