remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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