So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
