I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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