dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
