Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
