he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
