You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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