You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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