i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
