do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
