I accidentally burped into my bong.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
