I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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