i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize