If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
