I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
