There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
