Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
