I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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