just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
