ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
