There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
