FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We are all done wearing pants today
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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