I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
