are you still at the devil's house?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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