I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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