I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
