if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
